October 08, 2002~~6:23 p.m.
E.P.T, How I Love Thee
I am about to embark on a rather personal story. One that will address the topic of my sex life: a subject I have heretofore avoided like the plague, and not because I don�t have one, and my acquaintances don�t know I have one, because I do and they do. And it�s not a big deal for me to talk about it to the average Jim, but I just kind of revere my diaryland space and have so far, chosen not to discuss my having sex and its implications just because I didn�t want it to be THAT kind of diary, capeche? But this is a somewhat funny story, so I will tell it. And anyway, if my mom knew about it, I wouldn�t care a bit, and isn�t that the litmus test for acceptability on most anything anyway? So I have some sort of fertility problem. I�m not sure what it is, but I�ve never had regular periods in my entire life. Thus, I have been on birth control pills since I was seventeen, to keep my body on a normal menstruating schedule, and then it just so happened that it coincided with when I wanted to start having REAL sex and then everything was just peachy in my non-teen-motherhood life. I went off the pill once or twice for a few months when I was boyfriend-less and the coast was clear, to see if my body had regulated itself over the years. It hadn�t. I went back on. All the doctor said was, �Well, you�ve got all your parts, but when you want to have kids someday, we might have to help you out a little.� Okay, fine. I�ve always wanted twins, and this just made that goal a bit more achievable. And this fact has also made me have a different perspective on infertility and how lucky it is when infertility is NOT an issue for couples. Not only that, but instead of walking into infertility BLIND, this knowledge arms me with at least a little bit of warning. I can be somewhat prepared for the day when I decide to have kids and it doesn�t happen right off the bat. So the older I get and the closer I come to marriage and kids and the like, I�ve become more and more concerned with what is really going on down there and if it will be a huge project someday to have babies. This wondering coincided with my boyfriend getting shipped off to Camp Pendleton and my lack of health insurance. Which meant I was having less sex thus needing the birth control pills that were costing me a small fortune much less. So I talked it over with Omar and my mother (two separate conversations, naturally) and we decided it was a good enough time as any to see what would happen with my periods and then to maybe start getting tested for whatever could be wrong. Kind of to get a head start on things. Surely you understand. So I go off the pill. I have a period a month later. It may be an illusion that things are normal, I know, but at any rate, it is a good sign. My mom thinks it�s my daily glass of soy milk. I think my body has just been duped. I am not so confident. That was August. It is now almost mid-October. Not another period has been had. However, I have had at least a few conjugal visits from my Marine. Christa was convinced I was preggers. I was not convinced. People at my work were convinced I was preggers. I still was not convinced. I got drunk on several occasions and had a tooth x-ray with reckless abandon. I was positive I was not pregnant. It simply couldn�t be this easy. I decided, though, that based on the fact that I have been having strange stomach cramps of late, that maybe, just maybe, I should at least VERIFY my lack of suspicion. So I went to the store last night and purchased a home pregnancy test. If I were still in high school, I would have taken the test in the Taco Bell restroom next door, but I am now a grown woman with health insurance and a college degree. I did not need to hide this, did I? I could easily have a child and be okay, right? I have a serious boyfriend! One who wants to get married in the near future! I have a job! I have WAY more experience with infants and children than Rachel on �Friends� and SHE had a baby just last month! Still, I was a bit self-conscious. I tucked the E.P.T. beneath a head of lettuce in my cart. I was sure that the hot guy in the salsa aisle could tell that I was blemished. It didn�t dawn on me until the 15 year old was halfway through bagging my groceries that among my other purchases was the latest issue of Martha Stewart �Weddings.� Yeah. That probably looked REALLY good. It felt like the first time you ever had to buy tampons. I�m not pregnant, by the way. And also, it�s REALLY hard to pee on that little stick.
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