April 14, 2003~~3:11 p.m.
The CBEST Test
When I escaped from law school, I was hoping it was a sign that my days of standardized testing were over and, in fact, testing in general could easily fall by the wayside in my perfect world. Apparently, I was wrong. I decided a few months ago that I should take the CBEST (California Basic Education Skills Test) which is a requirement for substitute teaching in the state of California. I do not know if I will ever actually substitute teach, but it might be a good way to make some quick cash here and there somewhere down the line, when I am mostly a stay-at-home-Mommy and Omar has a crazy cop schedule where he�s home on weekdays, etc. At any rate, I just thought I should take it sooner rather than later, just in case. Now, it should be noted that this test is known to be VERY easy. There is a reading section, a math section and two essays. When Jeni took the test, she fell asleep during part of it and passed. Omar�s friend Luis mistakenly wrote only one essay instead of two, thinking you could �choose� the one you want, and although he had to go back and retake that portion of the test later, he is now a Kindergarten teacher. (Aside #1: scary thought). So I knew it was purported to be an easy exam and the rules say that you can take any portion of it as many times as necessary to pass, but still, the math part was nagging at me. I was scared. As I have mentioned before, math is not my strong point. I am not sure where I fell off the math wagon, but I think it happened somewhere between by Freshman and Sophomore years of high school. I had to be tutored in Geometry Sophomore year, and although I still got As and Bs, I didn�t really understand it at all. I ended up taking math all through high school and even a college Trigonometry class my Senior year, but the reason I had to take THAT class was because I barely missed the cut-off score for taking pre-Calculus at the local junior college which was the class most Seniors took at my high school. Perhaps that permanently lodged in my psyche a notion that I sucked at math. Who knows. I never had to take a math class in college, save for Statistics, if you count that, and partially, this was due to astute planning on my part. I chose my degrees carefully and in no random manner, so as to ensure that I would never have to endure another math class again. Social science was where I was going to stay, yessirreeebob. So here I went, planning to take the CBEST which would include Algebra and Geometry and fractions and other scary yet rudimentary math functions and no calculators would be allowed. I was shocked and appalled. I can hardly remember my multiplication tables, let alone how to deal with fractions. Who in the hell does FRACTIONS anymore anyway? And WHO DOESN�T use a calculator? Please. Even the SAT�s allow calculators. I was in for a long review. I began reviewing my math skills last week, in preparation for Saturday�s test. It was a scary sight. I had to chuckle at my ineptitude. I took a practice test and didn�t do so well. Of course, �passing� on the CBEST is only a 51.2 percent (aside #2: 51.2 percent? Who thought of THAT random number?) which means that I only had to get around 27 answers correct out of 50. I felt somewhat comforted knowing this, but still, I envisioned myself getting the hardest math section ever on the CBEST where all the questions were Algebraic word problems and I let X equal all the wrong things. It was a nightmare. I let my mind run away from me and saw my life in 10 years, when my as yet unborn daughter tries to ask me for help on her multiplication or how to add a fraction and I am forced to admit that although I have 2 � college degrees and even was allowed to attend a decent law school for a time, her mother is a numbnut who is incapable of basic addition without assistance. I would be revealed for what I really am: a person who has just managed to pass all those tests with nary a look from The Man but really, I know nothing. I am a farce. A fraud. A faker. A non-math-whiz. However, after a couple of evenings cramming about 5 years of math into my brain, I was sure I could manage to get those 27 questions right. I woke up early on Saturday and drove to Sac State in the rain, confident that I would do fine on the test. When I arrived at the test site, I was instructed to find the desk with my �number� on it. We each had assigned seats. I took my place in the seat with the desk attached (aside #3: those damned things are always right-handed. Everyone in the world is NOT right-handed. I had to sit sideways the whole damn time because otherwise, I could not bubble in my answers fully and make my mark dark because there wasn�t a place for my LEFT HAND to bubble!). I was so ready to get this stupid test over and done. We all had to sit around for awhile, waiting for people to arrive. The room was privy to the conversation of a woman with bad hair discuss how she was originally from Oregon with a guy who had bad teeth and had gone to the University of Idaho to save $600 a year on tuition back in the early �90s but was from Oregon too. When she said �Oregon�, two other people in the room blurted out their hometowns. �Medford!� called one. �Corvallis!� called another. I like Oregon, but I�m not sure I�d be THAT proud of it. And what�s the bad hair lady supposed to say to that, anyway? Well, actually, she did say, �Oh really? Medford? I have family in Medford. The Pierres?� I think the Medford native was supposed to say that he knew her family, but since he likely did not reside in the same trailer park as they, it�s a stretch that he would actually know who they were. Meanwhile, this girl in front of me, who didn�t look more than 12 years old, couldn�t stop coughing. I could just see the germs floating in front of me and I was disgusted that I might catch her cold later. Then she got up and muttered something and left for the restroom and came back. I guess she was talking to me, but I�m not sure. Then, this lady from out of state walks in at the last minute, wearing these RIDICULOUS shoes. They were wooden and tall and clomp-y. And there she was, all late, in these ugly jeans and ugly shoes and I was annoyed. Oh and she was wearing one of those down jacket-vest things without arms. I never understood those. If it�s cold enough to warrant a jacket, I sure as hell don�t want my ARMS poking out. And if it�s not cold enough for a full jacket, why would you wear down anything at all? I just don�t get it. It�s just a useless article of clothing in my opinion, and yet, there she was, with it on with those retarded clomper shoes. And I can say that because I LOVE shoes and there are just some that are plain ass ugly. And those were. So finally, the test happened and they gave us 4 hours in which to complete the test. I was done in 2. I think I got the easiest math section God ever created. Maybe good karma is coming my way, finally, what with all this war stuff I�m enduring and the fact that I had to listen to the Oregon woman for 15 minutes at the beginning. It�s about time. P.S. Rowena is leaving e.ScieNToLogy! Talk about good karma! However, she is being replaced by this woman who looks frighteningly like a praying mantis. We shall see what comes of THIS.
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