July 21, 2002~~9:46 p.m.
Piss on This!
I recently experienced the full meaning of the term �smell of stale urine.� Well, at least, I recently RE-experienced it. I guess I�d forgotten the reek of the sand at the bottom of the enclosed ladder up to the top of the slides at the park in my hometown when I was a youngster. Nobody could ever hold their breath long enough to scamper up the ladder without passing out from the stench, so it didn�t get used so much�at least, not used in its INTENDED manner. But that is neither here nor there. I can�t remember where I was when I smelled the stale urine so intensely that I thought, �Ohhhh. THAT�S what it smells like!� But sometimes, now that I can put a name with the stench, San Francisco smells like stale urine. Which brings me to the next point. There is a slight controversy going on in San Francisco. Seems that their free public self-cleaning toilets are being abused. The controversy is over whether or not to keep them in the city, or, at least, whether to get rid of a few. Picture this: dark green, oval-shaped, randomly situated on a busy street corner. You pay a quarter and a door opens. Apparently, after you do your business and leave the premises, the whole thing shuts and cleans itself. Or so I�ve heard. The controversy lies in the fact that these toilets are being abused by the bums, whores and drug addicts of the City by the Bay. Who knew? Apparently, several prostitutes have discovered that turning tricks in these public flushables is worth the extra 25 cents despite coming out with diamond plate marks on their backs. And one heroin addicted couple discovered that a quarter is a small price to pay for a private room in which to shoot up! What luck! What genius! So these toilets were put in for a variety of reasons. Not only is it a nice gesture to those visiting the city that there is a cheap and (relatively) clean place to let it flow, but it also was intended to keep the homeless from letting loose in random doorways, stairwells and sidewalks. However, it appears that thwarting THESE particulars has not been a successful venture. I recently read an article about how much the homeless pee on the streets of San Francisco; the same article debating the usefulness of the public loos. Here�s the thing: why is it that people (albeit DRUNK people) feel the need to urinate on random walls and doorways? I just don�t get it. Because inevitably, these are the same places in which the people will later crash out and spend the night or maybe the afternoon. Not only that, but usually, there is a perfectly good planter or patch of grass nearby which could act as a very nice receptacle for liquid waste, thereby reducing the stench of stale piss around a very lovely city. Plus, if you pee in dirt, you reduce significantly the splash risk or a Urinating in Public arrest since it�s probably less obvious when you water plants than when you whip out your peter against a wall of advertisements. Just a thought. So I guess putting in the public toilets was supposed to alleviate the public pissing. Well it hasn�t. But I hope they keep those things around for awhile. It makes San Francisco look all European and stuff. Even if you�re not. A-peein, I mean.
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