March 17, 2002~~6:12 p.m.
ScIenTolOGy, Anyone?
My boyfriend was here this weekend. He is gone now, though, and, quite frankly, I am sad. And I have a cold and an itchy throat, so pretty much, nothing is really that funny to me today. So I apologize for the lack of entertainment this diary is contributing (or not, as the case may be) to your life(s). I would like to discuss my new wacky job at the SciEntOlOgist company, but I'll wait, I think, until I compile a more complete list of the randoms in the office. I need to do a little more "research" before I go about describing them. And no, the company is not actually a "SCieNtologIst" company. But the founders and CEOs of it are and their management philosophy is based on L. Ron Hubbard's (the founder of ScIenToLoGY) theory of management. Apparently, I will be taking an orientation in this theory of management. I haven't had to do it yet though, because I am still technically an employee of the temp agency. It appears that the company is sort of notorious for its Sci. values. Everyone who's ever heard of it knows the Sci.thing, and Dianna even was referencing something she read about a company that has all these Scis working there and has these "seminars" all the time that discuss Sci. values or something. It sounds a little weird. Like "The Firm." Like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall. And then Mary, the Hair Lady, who cut my hair yesterday (finally!) has all these other clients who work there! So she knows all the smack on the company and the Sci. bit, of course. All I can say is, if things get even a LITTLE freaky and cult-ish, I'm out. This is NOT a career for me. Christ! I should've known it was TGTBT (too good to be true) when the HR lady was talking about how wonderful it is when there's a company where you feel comfortable enough to have your spouses and children work there...and then she named off all the separate instances where this is happening in the company. I should've asked if Tom Cruise holds an honorary position there or something. And during the same conversation (it was actually my INTERVIEW) with the HR lady, she told me all about how she thinks the wax on non-organic apples builds up in people's systems and eventually, the big ball of wax is attacked by our bodies, thus causing cancer. Hmm. The place is wacko, I'm telling you. If I didn't have so much to do all the time, they weren't paying me as much as they are, AND there weren't so MANY homo sapiens to observe and laugh at, I'd be not working there, that's for sure. I figure that, if nothing else, there will be lots of diary fodder to discuss and someday, I'll be able to look back on my "first real job" and laugh and laugh and laugh. This might actually be WAY better than "Gay or Nay." I'll have to think of a catchy title for anything regarding my new place of employment. And rest assured, I will NOT be updating at my job. No fucking way. I bet there are hidden cameras atop my cubicle or hiding in the crazy color printer and they probably track the websites I visit to see if I talk shit about them. Yep. My diary will now have to be a "work from home" venture. Therefore, entries might be few and far between, but whatever. Quality, not quantity, that's what I always say. P.S. Whilst getting my hair done yesterday, I discovered via another client there, that LimpNoodleSteve and his crazy place of employment, Whisler Land Company, are all gay (no big surprise) and that Robert, his boss (with whom I have had several run-ins on the phone) is a notorious ASSHOLE who PACKS A GUN because of all the people in town who hate him. The girl telling me this is a renter of Whisler's and she told a sordid tale about raw sewage seeping into her apartment and how her next door neighbor has sex with his dog and how Robert from Whisler called her a whore after using a key to enter her apartment. Apparently, there is a lawsuit against them for shitty landlording. I have half a mind to call up Robert and inquire as to the legitimacy of these accusations. "Um, hello, Robert? Yeah, I was just checking to see if you get a hard-on from carrying that pistol around when you torment your tenants and call them degrading names. Oh that's right. You only get a hard-on when LimpNoodleSteve isn't so Limp Noodle, if you know what I mean. Okay then, I'll talk to you later! Uh-huh. Okay. Bye-bye." That's what I'd like to say...if I wasn't worried about my head getting blown off after, of course. P.P.S. "The Osbournes" is the best show in the History of Television. Let it be known.
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