March 01, 2002~~4:31 p.m.
BGD, We Hardly Knew Ye.
In order of importance, my news: 1. I GOT A JOB!!! Yes, my friends, it has finally happened. Remember how AppleOne was going to change my life? Well, they did, and two days after I first met the AppleOne people, I had an interview, a half hour after which I was offered a position at a governmental technology company. I am really excited and basically thrilled to be able to now afford a haircut. I knew it was meant to be when, in the interview with my would-be boss, I mentioned that I would be dressing up as a prostitute next Halloween and he laughed. This will be a definite change from Dad Butt/Pastel Man's blank stares (today he is wearing his "cool" shimmery black and silver pants with a red and black paisley-esque shirt and braided belt. gag.) when I crack a joke. And there is even a possibility for me to do some writing eventually. Wouldn't that be a hoot??!! Yes. This will work out well, I think. And I think the very FIRST sign that it was MTB (meant to be) was that the job is located in none other than the old stompin' grounds of our hero, Johnny Cash. Yep, you got it. Folsom, California. Although Johnny probably didn't do much stompin' outside of his cell in Folsom Prison, but whatever. Details. 2. I talked to my boyfriend last night and it appears that I will be able to spend my upcoming birthday weekend with him in San Diego. Yahoo! Also, he chipped his beautiful teeth in a wrestling match (non-Marine-training-related) and I am sad about that. Good teeth are huge in the attraction factor for me, and his were so lovely. I know the dentist will make them look like new, but yikes. 3. The decision has been made and I am now wearing the pencil pants (aka cigarette pants) in a pale blue with a hint of sheen from Gay Crew. I love them. It was a good and wise choice. 4. I saw a Mullet in tight acid washed jeans and a spandex striped tee shirt (tucked in, of course, for the Big Outing at the mall) right after I passed a lady and thought to myself, "Self, there needs to be some attention paid to the many OTHER poor haircuts roaming the planet." But now, for the life of me, I can't remember what bad haircut befell her. Apparently, the Mullet and the problems inherent therein caused a total obliteration of any awareness of other follicular foibles walking around from day to day. We really do need to develop some type of 12-step program to help Mullet carriers deal with their addiction to the Worst Haircut Ever. Maybe I can start a non-profit and hire Maria to be my bitch. We can call it the Amerian Mullet Association and lobby for the elimination of Mullets through government-funded programs which award haircut money to the afflicted. And we can sponsor anti-Mullet commercials and get phone calls from irate rednecks who disagree with our politics. 5. Since I am leaving PR Firm, I must inform you with regret, the segment we have all grown to love, "Gay? Yes, Gay" will be seen here for the last time. *Sniff* So with much fanfare and trumpeting and leotard-clad gay men prancing around with wands and heavy mascara, I present to you, the Final Episode of....Dun Dun-Dun DUUUUUN.... Gay? Yes, Gay. Big Gay Dick was showing me pictures of a recent event which he and Gay Ned were involved in planning. It was an AIDS benefit where Elton John, Billie Jean King and other prominent gay figures attended and donated their time and charity to AIDS research or something. It was a tennis tournament and so appropriately, when I saw a picture of Pete Sampras, I mentioned how lovely he is. Big Gay Dick said, "Oh YEAH he is. I wanted to just say, 'Um, my house is only a few miles away...wanna come home with me?'" Big Gay Dick quoted part of "The Sound of Music" to me today and then when I started to sing "One little fag in a pastel pink pantsuit...." (only I didn't use those words, I caught myself just in time, thank GOD) he said "Oh FINALLY someone gets it!" And then, "Hey...that's a good idea. I really should get the soundtrack to that movie. Hmm." Gay? Yes, obviously Gay. Big Gay Dick, all of us here at ringoffire thank you. Thank you, so much.
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