2002-02-06~~11:01 a.m.
A Great Day For a Wrong Turn
Did you all begin to wonder if I'd driven over the side of the Bay Bridge on the way to San Bruno yesterday? Well, have no fear! I did no such thing! However, Jeni and I did deem yesterday a great day to make a wrong turn, of which there were several during my stint driving in the car for 11 HOURS yesterday give or take a few minutes. Yes. 'Tis true. Omar and I begin our day at 5 a.m. and left Sacramento at 6, hoping against hope to beat the morning rush into San Francisco and get to San Bruno (just south of SF) by 7:30 a.m. But it was not to be. Even while I sang "over the hills and through the fog" to pass the time, there we sat. Just in view of the Bay Bridge, but not budging...save for a few feet at a time. I began to get carsick with all the traffic driving, just before fatigue took over. But people watching in traffic is the best. You wouldn't BELIEVE how many Mullets and Nosepickers (sometimes the same people!) I saw. Yikes. So Omar was an hour late for his lineup. I then drove BACK to the City and got stuck in a little more late-rush hour traffic on the way there. I got to Jeni's cutie apartment at about 10 a.m. and even found a place to park pretty close by, across from a mortuary that had a sign in front that said "No Parking. Funeral." and, according to Jeni, plays funeral durges fairly loudly for its deceased customers down the streets of San Francisco as the processions make their way to the Final Resting Place. That would be a sight to behold, I am sure. I am sorry that we left before the Funeral was over. Then, about an hour after I got to Jeni's, we left to go to Burlingame (a few minutes south of San Bruno) to meet my law school friend, Sam, for lunch at the Elephant Bar. That was fun. Not only did we have a grand time chatting and watching the planes land at SFO, but we had a Mullet with Pink Frosted Lipstick and Rainbow Eyeshadow for a waitress! It was pure luck. A sunny day outside AND in. After leaving Samantha, Jeni and I decided to drive around the peninsula because it was cheaper than parking in the City. So we drove to Woodside (a few minutes south of Burlingame) where I know Joe Montana lives and I had never been. From what I had heard about the place, it is supposedly very expensive and exclusive. But all we found were one-lane roads that scared the crap out of me and a really cute Western-style downtown. No sign of Joe OR Jennifer and their children. There WERE, however, signs for horse crossings, so I think the deal with Woodside is that there are a few nice houses that are REALLY expensive (which you can't really see, either because they are set too far back from their gated driveways OR because the name "Woodside" ain't for nothin' and the trees cover a lot up) but not that many to write home about, and even a few double-wides (!) but they like to think they all live in the country/wild west. It's the only explanation for the narrow roads--they like to seem all quaint and country. But I'd like to let them know that in the REAL country, the roads aren't paved and they have names like "QQ" and "37" and addresses are really "Routes". They have a ways to go, there in Woodside. Maybe I should explain why the narrow roads scared me. It is because the narrow road is usually bordered by a steep ravine on one side and a rock cliff on another and twists and turns such that you can't see ahead of you in the case of oncoming traffic. They are teenage accidents waiting to happen. And I ended up having to do a 17 point turn to turn around on one of these narrow roads, using the "extra space" provided by this crazy downhill-sloping/twisting driveway at a 45 degree angle to the road that nobody with a 1996 Honda Accord could ever hope to have as their own, because they would never get to use it because their car would not turn that sharply and so they would end up living in their car, stranded at the top of the driveway, instead of in their $1.5 million 1 bedroom, 1/2 bath home in the Woodside Hills. From Woodside, which was a disappointing Wrong Turn, but since it was a Great Day for one, it wasn't that big of a deal to us, we drove north to Hillsborough, where all the OLD money in the Bay Area lives (except for the people who live in Nob Hill in City and are too good for the suburbs). I love Hillsborough. It is a fun place. My parents have friends that live there and the funny thing about Hillsborough is that you can see little children in plaid school uniforms walking home through the quaint little downtown where there is a Baby Gap on one corner and a Laura Ashley Home on another and while you are at the stoplight, a well-dressed, well-coiffed woman in expensive jewelry walks her plaid-collared clad chihuahua across the street and into the bank. It is just The Bourgeoisie at work and SO not reality. Not a homeless person in sight. These homes are also nice in that although there are quite a few MONSTROSITIES that have no style, or what style they DO have is terrible (we saw many examples of "money does not buy taste" yesterday) there are many more simple homes that look average on the outside but which you KNOW are incredible on the inside. My parents' friends' house is one of these. It's just an average one-story house....with three bedroom/bathroom suites, a huge kitchen (the garbage disposal of which they found a 3 carat diamond ring when they moved in...no joke. I don't think Milton found one of those when he came to fix our garbage disposal. Unless Rice-a-Roni now puts Tiffany jewelry in their boxes like cereal prizes and I missed it...) and a sloping backyard with a canyon view of several multi-million dollar homes and a pool on the edge of the hill. It was a fun, sunny day. It almost, but not quite, felt like Spring. From there, we drove BACK to SF and I caught the last minutes of Dr. Phil. Just then, my cell phone rang and it was Omar saying he got done early and found out that the Government would be paying for a hotel room for him and he wouldn't have to sleep on a cot and would I like to join him! I agreed, but it meant going BACK to San Bruno, of course, at rush hour. So Jeni and I made the normally 15 minute drive in just over an hour (complete with a wrong turn, but this time, not so welcome) and picked him up and drove BACK to the City. We planned to hang out, have a nice dinner with Jeni and chill. However, when we got to her neighborhood, there was not a parking space in sight. After driving around the blocks/hills for about 15 minutes, my gas tank getting lower with each passing second and my tired self getting more anxious and claustrophobic as well, we decided to leave Jeni at long last and go BACK to San Bruno to take showers, eat pizza and watch Frasier. So we did. But not the Frasier part, because the hotel did not get NBC. I was miffed. I really wanted to see "the Proposal" episode. But I was so tired that I didn't really care that much. I had just recently staved off a nervous breakdown, after all. You know, I LOVE the City. I really do. But I could NEVER in a MILLION YEARS live there. I would be WAY too stressed out all the time trying to drive around. And I don't love me some walking around with groceries, either, so non-driving is not an option in THIS girl's life. So I got up early AGAIN (the things I do for love) and drove Omar to the base, left him until I will see him on Friday (where, this weekend, I will spend some MORE time in the City with Rebecca and Jeni and hopefully a bar or two) and drove BACK to Sacramento, over the hills and through the fog, to PRF, where I write to you now. Whew! I'm exhausted just thinking about it. ~~~~~ Speaking of PRF, I have, after much deliberation, decided to re-install "Gay or Nay?" under a new guise. I just really miss playing that game, and there's way too much good info on Big Gay Dick not to give him his own section in my diary. So, I have decided to dedicate a new section to the affirmation of his gay-ness and have decided to entitle the new segment "Gay? Yes, Gay." So here we go... Gay? Yes, Gay. Monday morning, at PRF, Big Gay Dick and I had a discussion regarding food poisoning and sushi. BGD informed me of all the meats he likes to partake in eating, listing off several items such as beef, buffalo, brains, etc. He said, and I quote, "Name any one of God's living creatures and I've probably eaten it at some point." To which I replied, (not thinking) "Humans? Tee hee." And BGD said, "Well...in one way shape or form..." EEEEEK! I quickly segway-ed into a discussion on the movie "Hannibal" in an effort to "not go there" but the damage was done. Later that day, we discovered that we both get our hair cut at the same beauty shop. BGD said, "I didn't always get my hair cut by Vince, but now that I do, I REALLY like it. Although I pay an arm and a leg for a haircut now, it's so worth it. It's just a whole other world from barber shops." Then, today, BGD told me to add fire stations and police stations to my list of people to call for our mailer so that I can "talk to some cute firemen." Gay? Yes, Gay.
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