2002-01-02~~11:19 a.m.
Resolutions
For the first entry of the new year, it is only appropriate that I comprise a list of theoretically attainable goals for myself in this, the year of 2002. This means of course, that obviously such things as "be less judgmental" and "don't make fun of my boss" are not included here. So without further ado, let us begin. ~Build at least one ring of fire this year. ~Purchase a doormat for the front stoop. ~Really LISTEN to what the neighbors have to say when they are cussing at each other at 1 a.m. Share the pain. ~Tactfully suggest a lozenge to Emphysema Wakeup Call next door when he wheezes and coughs, in the mornings. ~Thoughtfully use a broomstick on the ceiling to alert the upstairs neightbors to their too loud NPR, vacuuming, or lovemaking. ~Purchase one thing from QVC to ensure their existence on t.v. for my viewing pleasure. ~Write down the best recipes from "Iron Chef" for octopus and tuna--in case I ever need to induce vomiting. ~Stop crying at Dr. Phil Tuesdays and Oprah makeover shows. ~Let the Archie Bunker chair in our living room die in dignity and peace. ~Stop getting sucked into watching "Elimidate." There is just no need and no excuse. ~Try not to get angry with my mother when she says things like "Maybe you should get jeans WITHOUT pockets to make your butt look smaller" and other "tactful" suggestions meant to be helpful but really aren't. ~Stop screaming "Roxanne!" at the neighbor's apartment just because he has tacky red lights in a plastic tube around the windowsill intending to look festive but just don't. ~Try to like winter more.
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