2001-12-31~~9:56 a.m.
Just Another Day at The Crew
I like my job, I really do, but what would I write about if I didn't work at Gay Crew? I really have no idea. The past couple of days there have been a wealth of information. And let me say that people's poor attitudes never fail to amaze me. Sometimes I just want to say to people who think I'm an idiot because I work in retail, "Hello and welcome. I have two degrees in Communication and Sociology, a minor in American Studies and one year of law school under my belt. Thus, I have diagnosed you as some kind of misunderstood sociopath who has been influenced far too much by the media and television images of Joan Rivers being a bitch to know that you are embarking upon a lawsuit for tortious defamation of character if you even THINK of going to my manager to complain about me." You know. Just to see what she says. Last night, this woman came up to the counter with a pair of black sale pants in hand. The following occured: BitchShopper:"I would like these pants in another size. Could you please call another store to check on that for me?" (Clarification: These pants have been on sale for 9 months. There is no snowball's chance in hell that they are anywhere to be found in one of the other 180 stores in America and Japan in her exact size if they would even KNOW which pants I were talking about or if they even ever HAD THEM to begin with. Not to mention, even calling the Roseville store for a size check can take 15-20 minutes, therefore, taking a chance that any of the stores even in the State of California have these particular pants would be a total stab in the dark to the tune of an hour of time AT LEAST, if not more, right before closing. However, calling from our in-store catalog phone would give her free shipping and she can make one call to find her size and be done. And if the catalog doesn't have it, chances are, no one else does either. But if they DO have it in another store, they are often more willing to help a customer on the phone than a sales associate from another store, which is why I advised her of the following.) Lauren: "You know, it's easier a lot of times just to call the catalog and see if they've got it, especially with a sale item." BitchShopper: "Well, if the catalog doesn't have it, can you call another store for me?" Lauren: "I can, but sometimes it's easier for you to call them-" BitchShopper, cutting Lauren off in a snotty tone she is not worthy of because she has the worst haircut known to man: "Well, I'm not interested in calling all of your stores! Where is your catalog phone?!" Lauren, thinking to herself and wishing so much that she had clout and could say this to BitchShopper: Bitch, I'm not interested in calling all of our stores either! So a few minutes went by, and then I walked to the back register for some reason. Who should be there, with another sales associate on the phone doing the search for her? BITCHSHOPPER! That's right! She called the catalog and they were out of the pants (of course) so she got Nadia to call around for her! And what ended up happening you ask? Well, after waiting for Nadia to be on the phone with other stores for 45 MINUTES, she finally ripped the page out of the catalog, threw the catalog at Nadia, and proclaimed, "I'll just call around mySELF!" This is all after she had been complaining to Nadia about how hot she was in the store. (Maybe that's because you are the DEVIL, woman!) Needless to say, I found a small sense of revenge in BitchShopper's anguish. Ha! Teach you to be a BitchShopper!
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I thought it would never happen at Gay Crew. I thought the gay men were too femme for Mullets and butch women would never shop there, and thus, I would never witness one inside the store. But then, into the store walk a lesbian Mullet and her wife yesterday.
And let me say, I have never seen a more stereotypical "husband-wife team" of lesbians in my life. The wife purchasing conservative Gay Crew clothing and all decked out with makeup and hairspray and feminine clothes and her lesband (lesbian husband)(I made that up) the absolute epitome of a money-carrying/tough guy/protector.
The Mullet was neatly coiffed. Sort of a chestnut brown; fine, smooth, shiny. Neatly trimmed at the top so as to just "wisp" its way into a feathered crown. And the back, you ask? Shiny and smooth all the way down, just above the collar. And rolled under to perfection. Aaah.
The Mullet, coupled with her whispering sweet nothings into her wife's ear was a sight to behold. A breath of fresh air into an otherwise somewhat stagnant day in retail.
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Gay or Nay?
Asexual Dick has a Christmas card from a friend on his desk that says something like "Hope your new year is even more fun than your trip and going down south with the boys..."
Gay or Nay?
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So anyway. I'd like to give a shout-out to Maria and her UK friends. Evidently, she is watching me from afar to hear about any crazy parties I might throw or any nasty things Omar might do to Kermie or her Power Puff girls. But she needn't worry. Everything is in ship-shape at the pad. Except for the small ringoffire I started in the living room....
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