2001-11-19~~2:18 p.m.
Dad Butt and Baba Wawa
Johnny Cash Trivia Fact for the Day: Contrary to popular belief (see "Folsom Prison Blues") the Big JC was only an overnight visitor in jail 7 times and never was imprisoned as a felon. This is news to me, but according to www.johnnycash.com, it is true. My friend Annelise (who, by the way, is coming to see me tomorrow and I am SO excited!) gave me another annoying "work comment" besides "we wear a lot of hats around here." Her favorite Most Annoying Comment at Work is: "I have a lot on my plate." I think that's a winner. Actually, both of these Most Annoying Comments at Work could quite easily be added to the cliche list Jeni and I started Senior year of college and which I have in my possession at this time. I will have to let her know. I discovered something new and horrifying today. Not only is there something terrifying called "Mom Butt" out there (which creeps up on women who are usually but not always Moms and who have either had many children which they then proceeded to drive around in minivans or other large people-mover vehicles to and from soccer practices, or just unfortunate souls whose bodies are now failing them) but there is also something called "Dad Butt" too! I discovered this beast today on Pastel Man. Note: This does not suggest that I have taken to checking out random men's asses. But anyway, today he was wearing some khaki (sp?) pants belted at the waist which, on their own, weren't so bad, but which ultimately acted as a mechanism through which to magnify PM's very obvious Dad Butt. If you aren't aware of what Dad Butt is exactly, I will tell you. This particular Dad Butt is the kind that sort of follows a Dad around and starts out innocently enough at the bottom, but which expands exponentially on the way up and ends up protruding quite precariously at the top. Other Dad Butts can be seen most often in polyester workout pants and shorts with the flap that snaps in the front at the waistband. For all you who would know, Coach Z comes to mind when I think of those shorts, and, come to think of it, Dad Butt. These are also the shorts/pants worn quite often on "The Sopranos" which I watched way too much of this past weekend. But that's another story. More to the point, Dad Butt is almost more unfortunate than Mom Butt because there really is no excuse for it. At least with Mom Butt (which I plan to have, much to my dismay, one of these days..and some may say I already have a case of Mom Butt, and to them I say, whatever...) you have some cute little kids to show and a slower, on average, metabolism to blame for the demise of your body. But with Dad Butt, the Dad doesn't have an excuse really. Maybe a sufferer of Dad Butt could argue that he experienced sympathetic weight gain while his wife/partner was getting Mom Butt while pregnant, but really, he can only use that argument for a couple of months. Then it becomes obvious to even the most rookie Dad Butt observer, that the Dad can lose his Butt much more easily than the mom ever could hope to, and thus, there is no one to blame for his condition except himself. Enough of that. I have wasted far too much time on Dad Butt. I only have one more comment to make today. I have twice now been completely sickened by major stars due, I believe, to their being interviewed by Barbara Walters. Now. Let me say that I really like "The View" and Barbara does not annoy me on that show. However, the past two "Barbara Walters Specials" have made me ill. First, last spring, I was disappointed with my girl, Faith Hill! I could not believe it, but she really turned me off! Then, in the same "Special" John Travolta was interviewed and his annoying wife, Kelly Preston insisted on being interviewed with him and spent 15 minutes discussing ScieNtoLogy and just being basically irritating and clingy. Check! Two more stars I am sick of! I thought it a fluke. How could this possibly happen again you ask? Well, last Friday, it did.
Barbara interviewed the cast of "Oceans Eleven" and not only was Barbara stiffer than a board, but she made Julia Roberts and George Clooney look idiotic...or maybe they made THEMSELVES look idiotic...but whatever. And usually I really LIKE Julia on interviews. I'm blaming Barbara. I really am. The only person who looked remotely good after that interview was Andy Garcia and that's only because she hardly talked to him, probably because he isn't a mega-star and has brown skin. We finally turned off the painful show when we learned she was about to inquire as to the stars' opinions of September 11th. Please. Like they have anything insightful to say. Whatever. I'm done with Barbara's Specials. From here on out, by God!
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