December 12, 2002~~4:58 p.m.
Adventures with The Man
So you may be wondering where I have been. Well, first I thought I had lost my sense of humor and thus, there was nothing to write about. And then it dawned on me: I had not lost my sense of humor, I was merely busy dealing with The Man. Here�s what has been happening to screw me over of late. Follow along closely. First there was The Man that runs my apartment complex. After 4 notes accompanying my rent checks, phone calls to the Apartment Managers Who Never Do Anything and other such attempts at establishing communication, I finally was able to get the ants sprayed to death in my apartment. I�m not sure what caused this sudden motivation to help me out, but I am not one to argue. I arrived home one day and there was the work order: illegible, grimy and crinkled, but sitting, nonetheless, on my kitchen counter. After I cleaned up the obligatory shoe marks the bug guy left on my �lino�, I moved on to vacuuming up the ant carcasses that had already begun to accumulate in the corner of the kitchen. It seems that the corner by what would be a food cupboard is Where Ants Go to Die. It is sad, really. It�s probably one of those things where the live but poisoned ones venture out to retrieve their fellow ant soldiers, but by the time they reach the mass grave, they are too weak to return to their Mormon leader, the Queen. I must admit to getting some sick enjoyment out of seeing them get sucked up by the Electrolux. Then there was The Man about the couch. I still haven�t gotten my couch. We set the date in September, if you recall, to be married MUCH earlier than now. Unfortunately, the couch-groom got cold feet. I heard that he would be showing up on my doorstep in early December, but lo, when I called, his mother said, no, he wouldn�t be ready until mid-December. These cold, foggy nights call for some snuggling on the couch and other such debauchery, and so I am a bit miffed at being stood up in such a manner. Then there was The Man in payroll. I was overpaid by 50 cents an hour last pay period, so THIS pay period, they are �fixing� the mistake and taking $50 out of my paycheck. This coming after I received 17 emails regarding the fact that they had found a stamped envelope in the outgoing mail with my return address on it which I had not written down on the �personal stamp� log by the postage meter. I was told that I should bring my 37 cents down to the finance office post haste or suffer a quick but bloody beheading by the Scientologists. Anyhoo, call me crazy, but I think that if you screw up and pay me an extra 50 bones, it�s YOUR problem and maybe, just maybe, if they took that 50 bucks out of the finance guy�s paycheck, he wouldn�t make those kinds of nasty mistakes anymore. But the biggest Man in my way of late, has been my doctor. See, whilst I was in college and dabbling in the burning hell that is Law School, I kept my doctor in Chico, close to home. I would make appointments during school breaks and everything was fine and dandy. Then I joined the real world where they charge you sick time to have a doctor�s appointment or sometimes don�t pay you at all, so it has simply become far too inconvenient to keep my old doctor who is a 2 hour drive away. So I called said doctor to find out how I can transfer my membership to a new doctor in Sacramento. As luck would have it, his office does it exactly the opposite of the way the potential NEW doctor�s office does! Aha! What luck! This will be annoying AND complicated!!! Yahoo! Bring it on! So three faxes, 14 phone calls, one fired receptionist later, I have my records, (except for one page, which did not come through very readable�.twice) have passed them along to the next Man to review and decide if he wants to have me as a patient starting sometime next Spring if I�m lucky to get an appointment that soon. I think, to rid myself of sorrow, I will go do some Christmas shopping tonight and donate more to the economy as a civic duty to Mankind.
|
