August 01, 2004~~9:08 p.m.
Prince and Blanket Fly the Coop
I have now been reminded thrice that the saga of Phyllis has never been completely tied up with a bow and sent FedEx. Last time we chatted, Prince Phyllis Jackson had just been born. And then� Prince Phyllis Jackson II (aka �Blanket�) arrived shortly thereafter. They were a darling duo, constantly sleeping or being fed via regurgitation by Phyllis and their deadbeat bird dad, Phil. Sometimes Phil would show up for custody visitation and Phyllis would promptly fly off in search of worms or whatever else she could scrounge up on a single-mother�s income. It was only about three weeks after their births that I noticed Phyllis was away for longer and longer periods of time. I became concerned that nobody was watching the children. I considered calling CPS, but thought better of it. What if they were placed in separate foster homes? I couldn�t bear the thought and figured that at least I was a stay-at-home-mom who could keep an eye on them while Phyllis worked her street corner or whatever she did for a measly living. At the same time, it became obvious that my flowers were in dire need of watering lest they die and leave the feathery family with no shrubbery under which to shelter. I was in a quandary: attempt to water the plants while Phyllis sat on her next and risk scaring her away forever, or water when the bird-lets were there alone and risk watering THEM. It was too much to bear. Omar was mildly successful at watering whilst Phyllis roosted, but I was not so lucky. Seemingly, she hated my guts despite my best efforts to bird-sit for her during the day. So then, one evening, I was left with only one thing to do. Phyllis was out and Prince and Blanket were home alone. I was going to water. Just when I thought I had gained the trust of the babies, and would be able to water without incident, Prince hopped up on the side of the window box and before I could say �feathery friend� he had taken wing and flown the coop!! I was shocked and appalled and fearful of his life, to say the least. I had to live the rest of my life knowing that I had scared the feathers out of him and he had become lunch for some apartment cat around the corner. I ran down the stairs to see if I could locate Prince on the sidewalk somewhere. Fortunately, I discovered him in a tree, hanging on for dear life, just at the bottom of the stairs. I ran back upstairs to tell Omar the bad news and to arrange for some sort of trapping contraption in which we could possibly lure Prince and take him back up to the nest of safety. But it was not to be. For when we went back to the tree, he was gone. Needless to say, Omar scolded me for watering without Phyllis there to protect her young. I felt awful. It was apparent that Prince could fly downwards ONLY. There was no hope for him flying back up to our second floor apartment porch. Meanwhile, Blanket had poked his head out of the nest looking westward for his long lost brother. He stayed that way for the rest of the night. I felt horrible. I knew Prince was not long for this world. And then� The next morning, I peered out and lo, but there were no birds in the nest!! Had Blanket flown the coop as well? But no! There they BOTH were on our porch deck! It seems that Prince had figured out how to fly in the night and had flown back up to join his brother. And now they were both hanging out and pooping all over everything on our deck. I was both excited to see Prince had survived the long cold night but alternately annoyed at the amount of baby bird poop all over my furniture. It was not long before I realized Phyllis and her brood were taking advantage of my generous nature. When it was obvious that the bird-lets could fly and just wouldn�t, I became annoyed. It was time for them to go out into the world and face the music. I tried unsuccessfully for several days to yell and pound things so that they would not find the porch so peaceful and finally, it worked. I awoke one morning to find nothing of the bird family save the excrement they had left behind. And that, my friends, is the end. Farewell to Prince and Blanket and Phyllis and Phil. May your feathered days be good and long upon this earth. We hardly knew ye. We hardly did.
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