May 20, 2002~~10:25 p.m.
Who Framed LimpNoodleSteve?
In T minus 11 days, LimpNoodleSteve will be a thing of our sordid past. But we wanted to wish him well, and give him a send-off he would not likely soon forget. Last Monday, I arrived home only to discover that something had gone terribly, horribly wrong. Oprah had not been taped. Instead, when I went to watch the Big O, instead of her lovely black face, on the screen was just black. �Hmm� I thought to myself. �That�s odd. I thought for sure I set the damn cable box on channel 10 when I left.� So I asked my roommate, the ever so lovely and patient Maria, if something unfortunate had happened to the cable box where it had been accidentally turned off so as not to tape Oprah. She resigned that maybe, yes, my taping plans may have inadvertently been thwarted. But it was okay. It was just one day. And at least it wasn�t Dr. Phil day� But then Tuesday afternoon rolled around. I was just about to leave e.SciEntOlogY when Crazy Janice (not her real name) cornered me with a print job to beat all print jobs and Maria, The Trusty Roommate called with the following exclamation: �Lauren! I think LimpNoodleSteve is sabotaging us!!!!!� �Why whatever do you mean?!� I asked questioningly (because, after all, it WAS a question). �Well, the cable box was turned off AGAIN and not only that, the microwave was blinking! When he came in to show the apartment to the prospective renters, he obviously unplugged the microwave AND turned off the cable box! Can you believe it??!!� I simply couldn�t. And, partly due to Crazy Janice�s obnoxious requests that only served to piss me off, I was due for bitching someone out. And, partly because I don�t know W�s phone number, I picked LimpNoodle. Poor little LimpNoodleSteve. He got my wrath. I left the following message: �Steve. This is Lauren. It appears that you have done something we don�t really approve of. Not only have you unlawfully entered our apartment without warning, but judging from the fact that our cable box was off two days in a row as well as the microwave having been unplugged, and you being the only other person with a key to our apartment, you obviously were watching our t.v. as well. I don�t really know why you felt the need to ruin my videotaping plans in order to show our apartment to prospective renters, but the next time you need to watch t.v. at our apartment, could you please let us know in advance so I can make arrangements to tape the shows that are important to me. Thank you.� I later went home, only to find that my alarm clock was blinking. There was only one explanation: LimpNoodle had been framed. Maria was unfortunately sound asleep and the news that L.N. Steve was due an apology would have to wait until the morning. But I knew the apology could not. So, I dialed Steve�s number yet AGAIN that evening and uttered a brisk apology for the previous message and explained that obviously, the cable had gone out and we�d see him on the 31st to do our walk-through. The next morning, Maria and I were bent over double in the bathroom laughing our asses off at how psycho LimpNoodle must think we were. The reason we thought he was sabotaging us was due to the fact that our poster sized �shit list� had L.N. as top billing and was purposefully left hanging front and center in our small living room when we knew he�d be bringing prospective renters in to see the place. Naturally, we thought our days and deposit were numbered. As Maria said, we were way too quick to vilify Steve. And so, the Shit List came down off the wall, but not before we took several pictures of ourselves with our handiwork. And that, dear readers, may be the last we all hear of your favorite LimpNoodle and mine, Steve. Then again, we still have the walk-through, and there may yet be one last story to tell�As they say, It ain�t over until the gay landlord�well, you know.
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