2002-01-10~~6:21 p.m.
American Music Awards. Blast!
I usually ADORE, just ADORE award shows. But last night, I wanted to vomit after watching the American Music Awards. What a bunch of hooey that was. It got so bad, that I made a list just so I wouldn't forget to mention anything. Mind you, this list is only comprised of what very LITTLE I really watched of the show, as I was mainly concerned with "West Wing." So really, this is just the annoying stuff from when I watched during commercial breaks. Let us begin. 1. The AMA's are cheezy as hell. That said, let's go on to number 2. 2. For the first time ever, I was embarrassed that the country music people were wearing what they were wearing in front of all the Rap, R&B and Pop people...even though they shouldn't be regarded as the litmus test for good style. At least we can all agree that gold lame cowboy jackets, Stetsons and skin tight Wranglers aren't exactly awards show attire...even for the cheezy-ass AMA's. And sort of on this topic, I can only imagine what Snoop Dogg was thinking when Toby Keith sang his more-than-annoying song, "I Wanna Talk About Me." 3. Speaking of Snoop, he had a gold encrusted goblet that said "Snoop" on it. Barf. 4. Britney. 'Nuff said. 5. Britney singing "I'm not a Girl...Not yet a Woman." What respect is THAT going to get you? She doesn't want us to tell her what to believe...but she doesn't include me in that statement, so here's what I believe: Britney, you fell into a pile of shit (the Mickey Mouse Club) and came out smelling like a rose. Be gone. 6. Justin Timberlake as the only person giving his girlfriend Britney a standing ovation...actually, make that a stand/whooping noise/touchdown sign ovation. Justin, nobody else thought she did that great of a job. Sit down. Now. 7. Justin Timberlake and the rest of N'Sync winning "Best Pop Group" award over Dave Matthews AND U2. Appalling. 8. Justin Timberlake reacting to above mentioned award-induced booing with the comment "Stop your booing...U2 will win Grammys." I don't know, but I don't think that was funny to anyone. We are all appalled, Justin, quite frankly. Let us boo you in peace, please. 9. Some black guy who I've never seen nor heard of, having full control of the stage and microphone and thinking he was saying funny things, but really wasn't, and then saying something annoying in Ebonics. Why is it that famous and even semi-famous people think they are so cool? I just suddenly have a HUGE problem with it. They are all mostly retarded, and if the average person on the street said or did the things these people do on camera, we'd be considered social pariahs. 10. Michael Jackson. Please stop scaring the children. And while you're at it, stop humping the air. Your time is over. And I know every nose job joke has already been said about that guy, but honestly. Have you SEEN his nose? Good God. 11. Pamela Anderson's boobs. Another "already been done a hundred times" joke topic, but last night, I could've sworn her cleavage got dipped in wax. 12. On the subject of Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock. Can somebody please give that guy some shampoo. And teach him how to dance while you're at it. Thank you. 13. Lil' Romeo and his rapper dad. They made AMA history by appearing as the first father-son presenters ever. I am appalled by a 10 year old who is setting fashion trends and is allowed to do what he does and dress as he dresses. If that were a girl, the world would react so differently (i.e. JonBenet Ramsey and beauty contests). Maybe nobody wants to mess with Lil' Romeo (can you even get it up at age 10 to be a Lil' Romeo in the first place?) because they might shoot you. Bah. 14. Jenny McCarthy as co-host with Sean "He Shitty" Combs. Where the hell has SHE been? Please. Why not get someone with a glimmer of class to host the show? Just a thought. 15. Back to Michael Jackson for a moment, what is the big attraction to that guy? He's a FREAK people! Sad, but true. And what's with his award for "This Year's Artist of the Century"? Do you think LAST year's Artist of the Century was upset to not be the only Artist of the Century? Michael Jackson hasn't produced one decent album in the past decade. Get over it just because he began at age 5 and his sister is hot. He has a zoo in his backyard for crissakes and his sone is named Prince. There is something awry with that man. Let's move on. 16. Last, but certainly not least, Luther Vandross sings George Harrison. Yes, both "Something" and "My Sweet Lord" Lutherstyle in tribute to the musicians (only the famous rich ones) the world lost this year. I wanted to shoot myself. Who made THAT executive decision? It was a bad one. Luther Vandross??? Did Luther threaten someone or something? Was there blackmail involved? Please. It was terrible. I have no doubt that George Harrison was turning over in the Ganges or wherever his ashes have been spread. Gods rest his soul. ~~~~~~ Remember the camel pea coat I really want? Well, I thought it was a sign I shouldn't get one when the ones in our store were sold. Then I had a dream about having one last night, and I thought it was a sign I SHOULD get one. So I decided to wish for someone to return one to the store so I could buy it. Then we found 4 (!!!) camel pea coats in the back room! I thought it was a sign I should buy one! But then there wasn't one in my size. So I thought it was a sign that I shouldn't. Then I found out I was overdrawn on my checking account, which was the biggest sign yet. Sigh. Goddamn signs. ~~~~~~ I really really really wanted to buy the MulletsGalore.com 2002 calendar that I saw in the calendar store the other day. But I can't because if I can't afford a pea coat, I can't afford a calendar, no matter how hilarious. ~~~~~ On the up side, I charged a plane ticket to Oregon on my Visa. I know. I can't afford it. But I don't care. It was a deal and I need a vacation. A real one. And I need to see Annelise because she makes me happy. And it will be really fun. And I just need to go. And I don't care anymore what the hell my balance is on that damn card. Why am I justifying it to you anyway? I don't know. Enough. So anyway, all donations to my life can be sent to me directly. Also, my size in camel pea coats is large. Thank you.
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