2001-11-14~~9:44 p.m.
Workclothes Wishes and Seedless Smoothie Dreams
I shot a man in Reno...just to watch him diiiieee.... I didn't really shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die. I just felt like giving another of Johnny's Greatest a shout-out. Ho hum. I have no work clothes. I think there should be some program for people who have college degrees but no money and no job to help purchase quality work clothes. I mean, I like the idea of working at J. Crew for the discounts, but until then, what to wear? I guess Mr. Citibank, whoever and wherever he is, will have to come to my rescue this weekend, AGAIN. I bet he's excited though. Every time he comes to my rescue, I take it upon myself to overcharge and overpurchase. Great. I look forward to that. I just made this really cool smoothie (I really hate smoothies, especially the ones with berries and those resulting nasty seeds...but these I like ->) with frozen banana, milk and almond extract. I really loved it. I was sitting there thinking "Wow. This is SO yummy. It's been WAAAY too long since I've made myself this healthy, fat free snack! I should do this more often...like for breakfast!" And not 15 minutes later, I feel like barfing. I wonder why. I'm really not sure. The milk was new, and the banana was frozen, and I don't think bananas can really go bad anyway, can they? Could it be that the almond extract was harboring some sal monella (sp?) or something? The woman I babysat for last night told me she gave her whole family food poisoning last week from scrambled eggs! Apparently, you cannot cook out sal monella if an egg is bad. Who knew? I always thought it was just the cookie dough that could get you...but I guess the cookie can too! Or maybe just stove heat isn't hot enough to cook it out but a 350 degree oven for 10-12 minutes could...Anyway. I might have to cut this short to go ralph. But maybe not. You all have to go check out my friend Bevin's diary. There's a link to it in my profiles. She has a pet mouse named Leroy who is currently experiencing what I like to call "Plus Size Mousedom." He is overweight. She tells hilarious tales about Bad Bad Leroy Brown. He is my favorite character at Bevin's Gay and Lesbian Brothel. :) Just kidding. It's not a brothel, but there are gays and a lesbian in her apartment. It makes for fun fun stories. And she will be stoked if I send some new fans her way. Anyway, the other day, she wrote of her concerns for Leroy then put his email address on her page. So I wrote him a little letter in an attempt to solve the problem. Thought you all would like to see it. (I think I'm a little tired, and that's why this entry is sort of random and lame...sorry about that) Here it is: Dear Leroy, We at Overeaters Anonymous would like to welcome you to Overeaters Anonymous! Our next meeting is to be held next Tuesday evening, at 6:30 p.m. at the local McDonald's. You may find this meeting location a bit odd, however, we believe in facing our fears directly and using a form of therapy we like to call "Eat This!" to combat our deepest longings, junk food. It is important that every participant commit to our method as a whole, which includes our 12-step program. In OA, we believe that if one does not follow the 12 steps to success in order and properly, one is doomed to stare longingly at one's fun wheel forever unable to climb upon it and run aimlessly for hours. To accomplish even this mundane task which thin mice complete seemingly without question, one must not sway from our tried and true program. So, Leroy, if you are committed to changing your life today, put down that corn kernel and waddle aboard! Sincerely, Lauren, Overeater.
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