June 19, 2003~~4:46 p.m.
Webshots
The life of a cubicle worker is a sad, sad thing. Take me, for example. I actually do not work in a cubicle. I work in a �workstation.� This is sCienToLoGy for �thing that looks like a cubicle but is less closed-in and therefore easier to spy on you from behind and is supposed to promote a feeling of openness to your workspace but instead only works to make your workspace noisy and distracting.� The way my workstation is configured, I have my back to a thoroughfare through which the Bitch in Charge of Personnel (and the boss and the CEO and the rest of the company) walks about twice an hour. When I first moved to this spot, I was not very busy with my job and had to constantly be on guard to open my Outlook inbox whenever I had been surfing the internet, just so I could look busy and productive. I must have seemed like a very popular person, getting all those emails. One of the things everyone at e.sciENtology has on their computer is webshots. Webshots are those pictures you can download for your desktop to make you feel like you have a little slice of nature or a world abroad at your very fingertips. You can learn a lot about a person by what pictures pop up on their desktop when they walk away from their workstation. For instance, I tend to download sunflowers, tropical beaches, scenes from the Alps and city skylines that I think are particularly cool or are from places to which I have been. This is all done in an effort to remind myself that there is a whole other world outside of the measly one in which I am living�and to remember some of the great times I have spent elsewhere; outside of my workstation. For instance, I have a picture of this little village in the Alps in Switzerland located at the bottom of the Yungfrau (sp?) mountain. There is this huge waterfall that falls behind the village and the picture is of a narrow road leading into the village, with the mountain and waterfall in the background. I walked down that road. I drank a beer in that village. I was young and carefree and had no strings attached. My life is different now. I am going to be a mommy. I will be responsible for the care and raising of another human being. I am not sure the profoundness of this reality has effectively sunk in. I have been concerned about the war in Iraq for the past few months. I have been living with a fear that the father of my child would not come home in time to see our daughter be born or might not come home at all. I have dealt continually, it seems, for the past six months, with almost daily changes to what I thought would be the �plan� for my life. This all sounds depressing. I am not depressed, just thoughtful. Sometimes I think about the job I do every day and wonder what it all is for. So boring computer techies in various Midwestern states can attend a boring tech conference and discuss cyber security for yet another day? I am so glad that in a few short months, I will be free from workstation-hood and webshots and the pressure to have a desk plant to help my workstation look more �homey.� I can take down the decorations that I have slowly put up around me to make my workstation stand out from the rest; to make my Westinghouse walls my own. Down will come the �Gone with the Wind� calendar and the pictures of me and my friends in fun places like a bar (oh those were the days) and skiing in Tahoe and at a graduation party. Down will come the sheet of Redneck Haikus that provide a little touch of humor on those days when none seems to abound. Down will come the yellow ribbons hung over my desk on my birthday four months ago that I decided to leave up, just because, well, this place needs a little color. I think I�ll leave the Mr. Winkle wannabe Christmas ornament that I received as a gag gift at our company Christmas party. It is a stuffed dog/rabbit thing that has cross-eyes and a nose on crooked and a pointy tail and bunny ears. It resides on the top edge of my workstation. We all love Mr. Winkle. I will be taking home Peyton the plant which is threatening to overtake my computer and working space. And the peace lily that has thrived all spring on my right side will come with me, too. Turns out, I have a green thumb for plants at work! Too bad I cannot extend my luck to the homefront. As for my webshots, well, I hope that my new life in my new career takes me to some of those places for real. And that I will get to see them through a new pair of eyes.
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