May 27, 2004~~9:45 p.m.
My Diary My Self
I haven�t written an update in awhile and I feel bad about it. Not so much for my loyal readers, but for myself, actually. I feel like, in some ways, my diary has been tainted by the self-serving actions of people who I thought were my friends. It�s been awhile since The Occurrence, but I definitely have been reluctant to put much up here in the months following it because I feel like whatever I say will be used against me. And that, my friends, is a travesty. You see, I believe that I have every right to say whatever in the hell I want to on MY DIARY site because it pertains to ME and MY THOUGHTS and MY THOUGHTS ONLY. What I write should not be at risk to become fodder for someone else�s insatiable appetite for gossip and the scandalous. When I�m not habitually writing, even about mundane things, I feel like my eye on the world has been closed. I notice that even when I find humor in the commonplace I feel like I shouldn�t write about it because I�m not sure in whose hands it will end up and who might take it out of context or who will think ill of me because I say what I say or feel what I feel. I feel as though the life I have chosen for myself is sometimes not enough to support the very human questions I also sometimes have about people and events from my past or present for that matter. Since when does reminiscing or wondering or pondering life�s events mean that you are unhappy with the status quo? I certainly am not. I will admit that I, like everyone, have my down days, but would I choose to have another life stemming from another time? No way. Who are we if not people who can look behind us to appreciate what is ahead? Have we become a society of people who expect news and opinions to be sugar-coated? Does the truth from one person have to be �polished� so as not to offend? Because if so, I resign. I have never been a person who has �edited� themselves so as not to hurt feelings or step on toes. This is not to say that I intentionally hurt feelings, but I do pride myself on being truthful and honest and sometimes, the truth hurts. And in that same vein, have we forgotten that one person�s truth is simply that? My experience and perspective are entirely distinctive to ME. I think it is fascinating that I live a life that is uniquely my own and nobody walking this earth has been exactly where I have at exactly the same moment. So how can someone in another experience question my own? With that, my friends, I am becoming uncensored. I will wont no more to speak my mind. This is my diary. My life story. This has nothing to do with my parents, my parents� views, parents� friends or my parents� friends� views. It is time to break from the chains of where I come from and who people think I am and learn to embrace the self; the good and bad of me. And you can choose to read about it or not.
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