November 08, 2002~~5:00 p.m.
How Lo Can you Go?
Can I just say, does J. Lo think we�re all a bunch of dumbasses? Please. Like I�m REALLY going to believe that she has FINALLY found true love�for the third time. I used to tolerate J. Lo. I like her music and I taped �The Wedding Planner� off of HBO. I think she is pretty and although, as Christa put it, her ass looked like it was stuffed with a basketball at the last award show she went to, she has been a good influence in the movement of Women with Real Sized Bodies in Hollywood. You know, the club of like, 3 members. Anyway, I just think it�s appalling that she is about to marry Ben Affleck, my former fianc�e, in a brazen attempt to ruin yet another handsome man�s life. Her divorce from poor Cris Judd isn�t even FINAL and she�s already engaged to the next poor, unfortunate soul. I mean, I can accept one �starter marriage.� Okay. You made a mistake with that Ono or Ojo guy. (Who is he, anyway?) That�s okay, J, we forgive you. Everyone makes mistakes. But then she went and had the audacity to rope poor little Cris Judd into her entourage and then trick him into marrying her! Here he was, just a gorgeous dancer, just wanting to do his thang and try to dance outside the shadow of J. Lo�s ass in videos. And she wooed him and made him think that she was going to be around forever. They had a fancy wedding, the bride wore white Vera Wang, they were on the cover of �People.� It all looked so authentic. Then she was on Oprah. She told O that �you can never really know if he�s �the one�.� Um, hello? I bet Cris was surprised to hear that. Not 1 month later, they were separated. 6 long and luxurious months of matrimony. Aaaaah, the romance of it all. Then Ben took out a full page ad in some magazine or newspaper in L.A. touting the wonders that were J. Lo, discounting all the rumors that she only likes to sit on white down sofas and have white lilies filling her dressing rooms, that she is a diva, that she is a raving bitch. We all said, �Well, that was sweet of him! It�s good they got along on their recent movie venture! How nice!� And then he put his hands down her pants in public. And then she told Fell-into-a-pile-of-shit-and-came-out-smelling-like-a-rose-Carson-Daly the other day on TRL that instead of answering a question about the reason for the massive pink diamond on her left hand, that �the world will find out soon enough, giggle giggle giggle� (insert batting of eyelashes and large uplift of ass to move across small stage here). So apparently, they�re engaged. And has anyone stopped to think about how Cris Judd feels about seeing all of this played out on Entertainment Tonight and TRL? And he�s not even really a divorcee yet. So, so sad. She should be called J. Low Blow. Probably for more than one reason. ****** Rowena update: Her latest offensive comment went to my friend Liza when she was on course. Liza was disputing the claim that L. Ron makes about communication being about people having an �affinity� for one another. Liza claimed, and I agree, that liking someone has nothing to do with whether or not you can communicate with them. But Rowena countered by saying, �Well, what if you were approached by a smelly old dirty bum on the street? You wouldn�t want to talk to him, would you?� Attacks on people of color/affirmative action: Check Attacks on my sense of style: Check Attacks on my figure: Check Attacks on homeless people/people likely suffering the effects of mental disease and the Reagan Administration: Sadly, Check
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